Lucky for you, a Trojan virus has attacked my computer and limited my word vomit and screen time- there’s way too much to share.

My identity has been stolen and my credit cards have been recreated and used in Italy at several art dealerships to the tune of several thousand dollars.  The good news…  they were [...]

Holy shit, 5?

This was my first thought.  I am going to be one of those people.  You know ‘em.  You wonder why they don’t get a hobby or watch more TV.  Next time you stare unapprovingly, I’ll smile and wave.  Or flip you off, whatever.

My second thought… condoms don’t onlyfail for 16 year olds in the back [...]

I’m blaming it all on the fuzzy flip flop slippers. 

They’re so cute.  And in theory, a great way to show off my newly pedicured toes.

Except when you’re making your way down the dark stairway at 10:30 at night.  The mixture of the fuzz and the frieze carpet created a sort of Luge effect.  I was down.  [...]

I’ve been stifled. 

Constant cliches running through my head… roll with it, every thing happens for a reason, make the best of it, some things are just meant to be… in an effort to help me rationalize and accept changes on the horizon.

I’m afraid of the impending judgement.  It’s ineveitable.  My insecurity has silenced me.  It’s [...]

It’s been a while.  At least according to my dream last night that I was locked out of my blog because I hadn’t written something in so long. 

I’ve had too much to write. 

I’ve had nothing to write. 

You choose.  I could really expound on either and make each one perfectly believable.  The fact of the matter is [...]

Expectations from me this week should be low.  Anxiety will be high. 

Four kids in 3 different schools.  What are the chances that ALL spring breaks fall together- this week?  When I’m PMS’ing?

Maybe I should play the lottery.

What’s worse?  I didn’t realize it until Friday.  The kids were abnormally chipper and bouncy. 

“We’re off for a week!” 

Sweet [...]

I’m a hard nut to crack.  I’ll admit it. 

The good friends that I have will tell you.  I am in a holding pattern for about the first 5 years you know me.  I’m guarded.  I have walls up.   But when those come down- you’ll get the mother load- maybe some tears, hold back my hair while [...]

My mom’s weapon against me and my bad attitude and smart ass ways growing up was “you’re grounded”.  I think it’s safe to say that I was grounded for 85% of my twelfth through fifteenth year.  

At first, it carried some weight.  I would be shattered that I couldn’t go out with friends- for about the first 15 times.  But [...]

No, seriously.

If you must shave your lady bits, by all means, do it in a CAR

WHILE you’re DRIVING

TO your boyfriend’s house

With your ex-husband in the passenger seat- steering.

You can’t make this shit up.  Floridians- I bow to your brand of dysfunction.

I made the decision.  I’m sure it won’t come without some regret- eventually.  But I did what I had to do.  And, for now, I’m happy with it.  After all, I am the only person in this house that knows how to put the toilet paper roll onto the dispenser.  Skills like that are invaluable.

I turned down [...]