Last night I got the phone call that every mom of a driver dreads.
“I’ve been in an accident, mom.”
Everything goes silent. Breathing stops as the heart races and you can feel beads of sweat puddling on your hairline and your pulse reverberating in your ears.
“I’ll call you back, I have to talk the the firemen and paramedics.”
Panic.
I call him back immediately, ”How dare you do that! I don’t give a shit about the firemen! Are you OK?”
“I’m fine,” he tells me. “It’s not a big deal, everything’s OK.”
And with that, the anger set in. As long as he was fine, I was going to kill him.
Slowly and choppily, he unravels pellets of details from his shaky voice. I listen and try to piece together what emotions I should be feeling and what I can do as I have a house full of sleeping children.
The accident happened close to my mom’s house on a wet road infamous for its winding paths that I’ve warned him about HUNDREDS of times only to get eye rolls in return. I get more angry.
He had a friend in the car and his friend was being seen by a paramedic for his shoulder. ”The car is pretty messed up,” he added and I know that’s what was weighing on him the most. Whether it was my wrath for him ruining the car or the freedom that it provided to him becoming a distant memory or a little of both.
The paramedic spoke with me and reassured me that the boys were OK. A minor injury to the passenger from the seat belt and his parents were on their way.
It seemed like everything was under control and that they were fine. I called my mom and asked if she could go oversee the situation and pick him up. The kids were sleeping and I didn’t trust how I would react in the situation. I explained to her, “I don’t what I’ll do, I know he was screwing around, he’s a teenager!” I was mad. I was disappointed. I was afraid. I was overwhelmed with particulars from insurance to tow trucks.
After some time had passed and I knew my mom had enough time to get there, I called to find out if any new information was found and hear it from her. Knowing I was fired up and on my soapbox about his carelessness, “It was a BAD accident, Tena,” she whispered breathy, “Now is not the time for lectures, trust me, he is shaken up and they were truly lucky. The car overturned into a ravine just feet away from a deeper one that would have been tragic!”
I was put in my place. And suddenly that initial panic returned.
I kept seeing the images in my head and, still now, I keep seeing them and my mind is racing and dwelling on what if’s. The car was towed to my mom’s driveway and I don’t want to see it. I don’t need the visual. My mind doesn’t need a visual.
My husband came home from work and retrieved him from my mom’s. When they walked in the door, my previous anger faded, dropped away and was replaced with compassion and gratitude as I saw this scared kid, mentally damaged and traumatized with a look of dismay that you rarely see in a 17 year old boy. I opened my arms and he hugged me tighter than he ever has and cried on my shoulder for what seemed like an eternity.
My emotions ran the gamut and confused me. I wanted to lock him in his room. I wanted to take away his pain and the inevitable recaps that are running through his mind. I wanted to punish him, but then I think he’s had his punishment. A small part of me is happy that it happened, that maybe he will be more cautious now, realize I’m not crazily over-protective and that it’s not that I don’t trust him, but that shit really does happen.
I know he was lucky and I’m thankful, but with kids it’s always something testing your ability to deal. I feel like I’m waiting for the next shoe to drop. Always. And last night I don’t think I fared very well.
I can’t even imagine, but I do have friends with a son who is just 16 and he has spent his entire life balls to the wall with motocross racing and therefore believes he’s invincible. One of these days I fear he won’t be and I’m not sure who will be more rudely awaken by that day, him or his parents.
I have tears in my eyes just from reading this. I’m so glad he’s ok and I am sure you handled it just right. He SHOULD know that you were scared for him and a little angry if he was driving irresponsibly and very relieved that he is not injured. I think you are right that he will probably be more careful from now on. Good luck!
That’s so scary! I’m so glad there were only minor injuries. As a mom, that makes me shutter.
It is so hard. Relief/Anger/ Terror (at what could have been).
Our is a 17 year old girL VS wet curvy road. She was so lucky.
She no longer rolls her eyes @ me when I tell her to be careful.
I hope we all make it out of the teen years.
Oh my. I’m so glad he is (physically) okay and I can understand how part of you is glad it happened. That accident could very well end up SAVING his life!
When I was 14, I got a school permit to drive to and from school alone. The very first day I had it, I hit gravel, didn’t know how to countersteer out of it, flipped the car into a fence post and ended up hanging from my seatbelt and then standing on the passenger’s side window. In my shock, I hoisted myself out of the car and walked home, my Def Leppard tape that had been in the tape deck in my hand.
My parents were mad, but they fixed the car. My dad took me out on gravel roads and started throwing on the emergency brake randomly until I could countersteer out of anything. It was the best thing he could’ve done for me. I’d realized there were parts of driving they didn’t teach in driver’s ed, and I was so scared to get back behind the wheel, but he made me, and he made me learn how to take care of myself.
In my lifetime, I’ve been in several accidents that should’ve been much worse than they were. My friend’s Festiva blew a flat going 80 miles an hour on an interstate. We ended up facing eastbound in the westbound median, unhurt in the midst of heavy traffic. I got t-boned from the side by a SUV when I was driving a tiny Prizm. I’ve been rearended. Every time, I thank God for holding me in His hand and do my best to learn from the experience.
Oh God, my legs went to jelly just READING this. I can only imagine how shit-scared you must have been.
So glad your boy is OK. Hug him ’til he won’t let you anymore!
x
I cried reading this. I have a seventeen year old son myself, and this is my worst fear. But I’m so glad both boys are unharmed.
[...] Going On With Curvy Girl Guide Writers Tena wrote about her harrowing experience when learning her teenage son was behind the wheel when he was involved in an accident. Every [...]
I was your son at 18. My horrible accident caused permanent damage to my back and neck, but I am SO lucky to be alive. That accident taught me to not only be careful, but to appreciate and protect every moment I have on earth. I hope your son learns this too, but I wish he didn’t have to learn it the hard way, like I did!!!
Crying now. So glad they are okay and scared to death even though I have three years before our oldest gets behind the wheel.
I don’t have kids old enough to drive yet, but someday I will, but I know what it’s like being on the other side. I mean, even as a teenager, I was a careful driver. I knew that I wasn’t invincible or anything like that, but despite all that, sometimes you still get into accidents. I was 19 and I fell asleep at the wheel after a stressful weekend. I crossed two lanes of traffic in my sleep and rolled my car in a ditch. I am so lucky I know to be alive and to have walked away without a scratch and to not have hit anyone while I was drifting as I was asleep. I’m not much older now but I am still scared of driving a teensy bit. I was careful before but now I’m almost paranoid. I guess I learned my lesson so to speak, but even with good drivers, you can still be in a bad accident.
Great blog. You remind me of me, except a better writer. Same situations at our house with teen/young adult boys. I had this same call, and the same set of emtions ran thru me, but it was not nearly as bad of an accident as your son’s was. For us it was in snow- and on the expressway. It is always so hard when stuff like this happens to know if you should yell at them (again), warm them (again), or hug them (again). Or maybe even squeak in a little…I told you so, slow down–pay attention—don’t drive across town to your girlfriend’s on a snowy rush hour filled Friday night! Just stay home and safe with us….please. Thanks for sharing, I am glad I found your blog, will follow for more kinship and so I don’t feel so alone.