I didn’t go to a funeral until I was in my twenties.
My family members that had died up until that time had chosen memorial services- no “viewings” of the body, just a service, some in Churches, some not, in remembrance of their life.
Visitations make me nervous- like pukey, hives, eye- twitchy nervous. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have to do it for so long. Or maybe it’s because standing and looking at a dead body is creepy.
The first time I had to go to a viewing of a body, it was my husband’s Great Aunt. It was weird. She was in her nineties and had no family left . I stood there in front of a casket of a dead woman that I hardly knew, with two other people, my husband and his mom- that was it. The room was so quiet. My eyes studied the ornate decor in the room so I didn’t have to focus on the body. I was sweating profusely, nervous of saying or doing the wrong thing. Was I being reverant enough? Were my clothes too flashy? I did not move a muscle or take a breath for the moments we stood there.
My husband’s mom said, “well, I think she looks really good, they did a good job with her.” This was weird to me, but I’ve since learned that’s pretty much what people say. They always “look good” or “look at peace”. Really? Or is that just the proper thing to say? And that is why I either sneak away to the bathroom or exit out the back door before it’s my turn to walk up. Because… they don’t look good. They’re dead. They look gray and their hair is all old lady bouffanty- even men.
I went to a funeral this weekend and I, again, got out of having to walk by the casket. The baby was fussing (really, he was.)
Does this really help people accept the death and prepare to move on? I don’t get it?
What are your plans when you die? Will you do a traditional funeral? Will you do a visitation of your body? Am I horrible person for sneaking out?
This is EXACTLY why I already paid for a cremation – and want no service. I have absolutely no problem if my son wants to take some of the money I have left (if there is any) and has a PARTY!!!. Then he should take a trip to Vegas and spread my ass…I mean ashes, from one end of the downtown strip to the other. Good times.
I don’t like going to funerals. I usually do not go to them and if I do, I never go to the casket. I want my funeral to have fast paced music and not be sad. When I die, I know that it was the Lord calling me home so it is really not a sad time. Sure people will miss me but I would hope they know that I have gone to a better place. I should have them put a sign on my casket that says “You don’t have to come see my body if you don’t want to.”:)
My wish: burn me up and have a party.
Oh God. I have some stories about this topic! My aunt was laid out on a cafeteria-like table, covered by a light blanket. At 21, I had no intention of walking right up to the…er…body. That is until her husband’s uncle yanked me up there. Not a good scene.
I don’t think you are horrible for sneaking out. I think this DOES help bring a sense of closure to some. If I don’t see the body, I have a difficult time believing someone is actually gone. When my mother died, I even cut a piece of her hair off. I wanted to play one last practical joke on her and cut it off the front of her head but I was nice and took it from the back. Anyway, death is an extremely personal thing. Each and every person must deal with it in the way that is best for them. If NOT seeing the person is best for you, then that is what you should do. Just don’t beat yourself up for doing what you need to do. The funerals are for the people left behind, not the one who has died and nobody can tell you how you are supposed to deal with it. I do want to have a funeral and a viewing but I certainly would not anyone to feel obligated to do anything that makes them feel worse. The funeral would only be for those who feel they need it.