Send me your positive energy

First, I feel obligated to mention that the reunion went great (since I’ve blabbed about it for so long).  It went smoothly, everyone seemed to have a blast, and, from the pictures I saw, although I did not think I looked like a house, I apparently did.

I really need to start focusing on preparing for this new human.  I am due in early November.  My blood sugar numbers are hard to control, so at my doctor appointment on Monday, he said he will likely deliver me in 8-9 weeks.

The poor li’l dude doesn’t have a room, a crib, no diapers, no clothing.  I am the absolute opposite of prepared (which I suppose would be UNPREPARED- duh.)  I’m hoping things will fall into place, but today I watched Discovery Health Channel and Hot Tub Time Machine (which I’m not ashamed to admit that I enjoyed), so I’m not sure exactly who I’m expecting to get this shit done.

We have a framed room in the basement for my 15 year old son.  Framed.  That’s  as far as we’ve gotten.  No walls.  No electric.  Concrete floors.   I guess I haven’t begun nesting yet, either.  My house is a mess.  And my mind doesn’t work right when things are a mess, but, at this point, I don’t know where to even begin.

I am usually very prepared and together.  However, my usual sense of urgency has gone AWOL.  I don’t even know who I am anymore.  I think the hurdles are just too big to climb this time.  I’m tired.  I’m worn down from bearing the burden of this family- all of it.  My husband brings home a paycheck and I’m expected to do everything else.

It’s a role that I accepted a long time ago, but now I’d really like to renegotiate my contract.   He, unfortunately, feels the same way.  He works a lot of overtime and I’m constantly juggling life here.  We both feel forgotten, under-appreciated and like we’re getting nowhere fast.  As soon as we feel like we’ve accomplished one thing, something else comes up.

I’m going to take a deep breath this week and hope that I get my mojo back and my ability to accomplish things returns.