No Apologies

So, surprise, I’m going to vent.  But you know what?  This time, I’m not sorry.  It’s a not a boo hoo venting, it’s a why are people so fucking stupid and I kinda rock type of venting and it’s been a while since I’ve had the energy to kick ass, so let’s go!

***My reunion is THIS WEEKEND!  I have worked my ass off on being far too detail- oriented, but I think it’s all going to go off without a hitch. (This is where I bloat, I already did that, I mean, gloat – which is so not me- so deal with it)  I, LITERALLY, came within TWO DOLLARS on my budget!  $8000 worth of hall rentals, open bar, DJ, I made programs, came up with a theme and hired a graphic design artist to implement it, had a vinyl banner made, ordered Koozie cups as favors, had T-shirts made as awards, made personalized name tags with senior pictures, hired a photographer and last week, just for over-achieving shits and grins, I wrote letters to local companies asking for donations for door prizes- I got 4 gift certificates!  BOO YA! And that’s just for Saturday!  Not to mention, finding a dress (took 3 times to find the right one online) that would hide the fact that I’m concealing a beach ball in my belly and the most fab shoes, getting my haircut, and a pedicure.  I think I will sleep all next week.

***Next project- oh yeah, I’m having a freaking baby in 2 months that has a Baby Bjorn that was left anonymously (THANK YOU SO MUCH WHOEVER YOU ARE!) at my front porch- that’s it!  No room, no diapers, no clothes,  no nothing.  If you know me- you know that by this time with my others, I have had a fully decorated and stocked room- ready to go- God help this poor kid!

*** I am a liberal.  It’s true.  I live in conservative hell.  It’s true, as well. (this is a liberal rant, if you are conservative and read me- just skip this part- we can still be friends, it’s OK) The other day as I pulled into a parking spot at the gym, I had my radio on shuffle.  Before I turned off my car, I fidgeted with my phone a bit to get my music going for my workout-  NOT realizing that my car radio had stopped on Fox News Radio!  As I get out of the car, the girl parked in the spot next to me says, “Were you listening to Glenn Beck, too?”  My first instinct was that she was human and would mock it like I do, that was before I remembered where I live (where Ultimate Fighting and deer hunting are “sports” and they’re trying to repeal the Health-care Act simply because someone at a Tea Party told them that it would lead to “Socialism”- which they, in turn, went to look up in the dictionary- that they borrowed- and believed.)   I looked down at the ground and nodded my head, with painful guilt oozing from my pores.  She says, “We REALLY tried to arrange our schedule to make it to that rally, I thought we might be able to make it, but we just couldn’t do it.”

A fucking Glenn Beck rally?  Seriously woman… you are barking up the WRONG tree.  And that’s when I realized why I don’t have any friends here and I walked my fat ass as fast as I could to get away from her and onto my elliptical machine and ran for 35 minutes.

*** I received a telemarketing call.  They asked for my husband.  1.) he was sleeping, but 2.) he has no backbone and cannot just say ‘no’, so I take all the telemarketing phone calls and tell them where to shove it.

In an Indian dialect…

May I speak with B?

This is his wife, can I help you?

This is … with …

Sorry, we’re not interested and please put us on your no-call list.

(I shit you not, this is what he said next…)

Then I will call back every 10 minutes.

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??

I will call back every 10 minutes until I get a hold of B because you will not even listen to what I have to say.

First, B is sleeping, but second, I deal with all of the finances and household stuff and when someone I do not know calls me from a company I am not familiar with, I do not want or have the need to have any dealings with you!

If I could have punched him in his Foreign balls- I would have!