High school was a lackluster time for me. I had many acquaintances, but not close friendships. My boyfriends were always from other schools and I didn’t really fit in with many of the cliques. I believe I was friendly with most everyone, but not great friends with any. I was a cheerleader, I did drama, I was a straight “A” student, but I didn’t feel like I fit in with any one group in particular. I just never really made the right connection with people- probably due to the walls that I had up.
My husband is very confused how I could have been so involved and not been “popular”. At my insistence to him, I was the opposite of popular.
I graduated 20 years ago. I have taken on planning my high school reunion. This baffles people as to why I chose to do this.
I went to my husband’s 20 year reunion. He was a self-proclaimed nerd and slacker who barely graduated. I had to twist his arm to go because the anxiety he had of going and no one remembering who he was, was a huge hurdle to cross. He has often regretted his time in high school- not having applied himself in his studies, not making good enough grades to play in the sports to display the athlete he INSISTED he was. I wanted him to get over this regret- to be able to have some kind of closure, move on and realize that it was a life experience that taught him things that brought him to where he is today- whether it’s the way he would have scripted it or not.
He went. People remembered him. “Popular” people talked to him. Then jocks had gotten fat and bullies had gone bald, but cliques had dismantled and everyone was in a different place. It was a healing experience for him. He was invigorated. He realized that he wasn’t invisible, as he thought he was. He realized that success in high school didn’t necessarily mean success in life. He let go of some of the regret and made peace with a bit of his past.
I, too, have regrets from those days. Regrets that I didn’t put myself out there. I didn’t take the chance to let down my barriers and let people in. I was guarded- too guarded. I missed out on making bonds.
Watching my husband release a little of that regret was refreshing. I wanted the same. I wanted to take the chance and reach out- something I never did before. I wanted people to know that I wasn’t a weirdo or a bitch, just a regular person protecting herself from rejection.
I decided to reach out to my classmates in the only way I felt comfortable doing so- by using my strength of organizational planning with a touch of OCD- and planning the reunion. Ideally, I would have liked to show up looking like the day I graduated. Being pregnant has made that an impossibility. Sun spots on my face from a reaction to my blood sugar medicine has given me another reason to be insecure.
I’m 2 months out and having nightmares. Nightmares of people crashing the party. Nightmares of people not showing up at all. Nightmares of my dress falling off. Nightmares of a Liz Lemmon reunion. I’m wrapped up in the details of the event. I work on it night and day.
I’m beginning to second guess myself. What was I thinking again?
I am sure with you planning it will be fabulous!!! Am I am pretty sure that your dress will not fall off!
Okay – I guess I must be ‘out’, because I had to Google ‘Liz Lemmon”. I don’t watch ‘30 Rock’, as you, by now, know.
Let’s see … what were you thinking? … “this could be fun” … “it worked well for him” … “I could do this” … “I could heal, too”, all of which sound like good reasons to me.
On the other hand — if it turns out to be a little stale, let’s say, or doesn’t have that “This Party is Off the Ground!!” feel to it, well .. maybe if your dress DOES fall off, it’ll be just what that party needs.
You are SO brave to put yourself out there for the greater good of the class! You will do a wonderful job and connect with lots of new people! And its highly unlikely that your dress will fall off!
I bet you are gonna have a blast! And I am sure you will look GORGEOUS!
I had soooo much fun at my 20 year reunion! It was the best ever…. of course, I decided to go at the last minute because Hubs was out of town and the girl was asked to spend the night at a friends house… so I guess I party crashed since I didn’t pay. I stopped by the store, bought a pair of Spanx and went…. of course, the Spanx were off by the second beer because they were just too damn uncomfortable… and Hubs called me at 11:30 wanting to know where I was since he called home an I wasn’t there on a Saturday night, but it was so much fun! Stop worrying!
I went to my 20 yr. reunion a few years ago (let’s just say I am sneaking up very close to my 25th year reunion!). It was a blast and no one cared about the “details” and neither should you. It will be fun and everyone who didn’t plan it will be thankful someone else did!
PS – Can you take Xanax when you’re preggers?
Hiya, I found my way over here from Aiming Low–love your posts. I am also 37, but way closer to 38.
I am newly pregnant too. This was not an accident but I am asking myself every day what the heck I have gotten myself into. My son is 4, so there will be a pretty big gap between them and I cannot believe we are starting over from scratch!
Anyhow, I went to my 20th reunion last Oct and it was really great. Except some of the popular girls looked HOTTER than they did in high school which made me a little bitter!
You’re lucky, because you don’t have to squeeze yourself into Spanx. You may be comfy-er than most people.
I can completely relate. I got along with everyone in every clique in high school… but I didn’t belong to any one group in particular. So during the day I looked like I was the popular girl who got along with everyone… and at night nobody called (I like to think it was because they figured I was busy). I assure you that it will be great. It will be your husband watching you, this time, marveling at how far you’ve come and proud of you for having gone.
But organizing it? Girl… you are remarkable. That stuff is hard to do! It’ll be great the night of but, lawd almighty, they take a lot of work. Kudos to you!
I am SO frecking embarrassed that I haven’t been here to know that you are pregnant. I can’t fregging believe it. But what this means is that by next Blogher, which I will be there for, you won’t be pregnant and you can drink.