I try to put on a happy face- even though my heart is heavy.
As hard as it is and as wrong as it feels, life must go on. My thoughts and prayers are with her, while my physical body is bringing kids to school and practices, at the grocery, and celebrating my daughter’s birthday. There’s a part of me that feels weird about it, but if I know one thing she would want while she is fighting her ass off in that hospital bed to beat this, is that she would want us to stay positive, upbeat, keep our sense of humor and a strict diet of sweets and bacon. I’ve done my best to oblige- a few tears, but lots of chocolate and bacon.
Today is my child #3’s 9th birthday.
She is my twin. Not only in appearance, but in an undying, need for acceptance and yearning to please everyone, all the time. She has the same unreachable curse that I have. She internalizes and takes all things personally. She, literally, cries over spilled milk.
Lately, she’s been complaining of a mysterious stomach ache. I follow Dr. Mom protocol…do you have to throw up (hint: please make it to the toilet)- NO. Do you have to go poop? NO. Do you have any sharp pains? NO.
Then, it dawned on me. This was about the age when my worrying got the best of me. The age when I was forbidden to watch the news anymore. My stomach would tie in knots at the sound of a raised voice or anything at a higher decible than a whisper. It was when I wanted to make everything right in the world and in my life and I couldn’t and it weighed on me- heavily.
I saw the signs in her. It starts with the avoidance. Then the overcompensation. Then the tears.
Last night, after picking up my son from practice, we arrived home to realize we were locked out of the house. She lost it. I saw the the fear, the worry, loss of control and inability to deal with minor stresses in her that I always felt and it broke my heart. I remember those feelings all too well.
It wasn’t until I was older and lived through things- hard things- things that that 9 year old that I was couldn’t have beared, and learned that I had to come out on the other side and keep going and become a stronger and wiser person from those lessons.
My daughter knows about Anissa. I’ve told her all about her and what an amazing person she is and that she is sick. Last night, I sat down at the computer with her. Showed her pictures of Peyton’s fight. Leukemia. Showed her the outpournig of love for Anissa’s fight.
I told her I wasn’t showing her these things to scare her. I wanted her to get a lesson that I didn’t get until I was older.
Perspective.
What’s important. It’s a shame that it takes times like these that we can really notice that. Apropos of Thanksgiving next week, I hugged her tight and told her to count her blessings and how good she had it.
I sent her to school and said, ”Rememeber, don’t sweat the small stuff… it’s your birthday, dude!”
Anissa embraces the imperfect, but they deserve a break. If you have the means to help out this family during this trying time and with the Holidays upon us, donations are welcome. You can click on the PayPal Button on the left sidebar of this site to make a cash donation or visit AimingLow.com for further details.
oh, my sweet mr. beans is the same way. it’s a weird space i am in, with my husband in houston by my father-in-law’s bedside, waiting for him to die, while this lovely young woman, full of life and love is fighting her way back with everything she has. my mr. beans has had a constant tummy ache since hubs got on the plane. i suspect once we are all reunited and the funeral is behind us, it will miraculously disappear.
thinking about you, girl. and happy birthday to your lil’ one.
Happy Birthday to your Girl.
((hugs)))
Tena, this post is awesomely awesome. Seriously.
p.s. Happy Birthday to #3!
Hang in there Tena! Anissa has a lot of prayers being said for her.
You are an awesome mother… Happy Bday to your little one.
Happy birthday to your little one… and know that I am feeling the same… worried alot and praying even more… You are such an awesome mom to share this with your daughter and teach her such important things in life! Keep up the good work!
Kudos to you for teaching her a very valuable lesson. With her sensitivity she will certainly take all those lessons to heart.
My daughter tends to feel for everyone as well. It is a daily struggle with her though as she has her own issues. Those story’s are just gut-wrenching. Now is definitely a time be thankful and remind ourselves things could always be worse. It is beautiful that you shared these stories with your daughter I know she will appreciate itk, if not now when she is older.
I think the way you approached her about the whole issue is awesome. What a wonderful example for her to see that in someone that shines as brightly as Anissa.
Happy birthday to your girl. And many prayers to Anissa
Well lucky for her she has you. You recognized the symptoms and you can help her through them. Maybe she wont have to fight as hard as you did with you on her side.
I hope she had a great birthday Tena and that y’all have a nice Thanksgiving.
I’ll keep Anissa in my thoughts. It’s all so sad.
I hope your daughter has a wonderful birthday. I am keeping Anissa in my prayers as well.
Tena,
That is the sweetest thing. I also worried myself sick when I was growing up. I was constantly worried about whether people liked me, if anyone was mad at me, etc.
I wish I had someone tell me what you told your daughter. I’m sure it was a big relief for her to hear those words.
Your such a great mom tena…Happy Birthday to your precious little girl…we are praying for Anissa and her family
Happy Birthday to your sweet little mini-tena!
I think it’s amazing that you recognized this and are being pro-active in helping her to learn the steps and how to deal. You’re a wonderful mama and friend.
Hugs, my dear.
You’re right.. it is all about perspective.