It’s that time of year again.
The time of year when my OCD kicks my ass.
I am seriously chewing my fingers down to nubs and gnawing on the inside of my mouth like Maury Povich, himself, wants to do a paternity test swab on me!
I want Christmas to be perfect- or at least as perfect as it can be which, in my demented mind, is nothing short of Norman Rockwell.
I go overboard on presents. I was at Walmart at 4:45am on Friday- because I’m an ass.
It was dark and cold and I was among people that scared me- like really freaky types – that had perfect hair and make-up on at that hour! I actually considered wrestling one of them to the ground for a $200 TV. I blame that moment of weakness on the low blood sugar and lack of caffeine and the fact that buying a present for a 14 year old boy on a budget is next to impossible.
I walked out 3 hours later with one pair of $3 pajamas. Black Friday- FAIL.
I have to rearrange furniture, put up two Christmas trees (my husband is an ornament whore and one just won’t do it!), and assemble 2 villages- because I’m an ass.
My Christmas decorations are taunting me from boxes in my basement, “hey lazy bitch, when you gonna put us up? All of your neighbors have their stuff up? And did you see the way your 4 year old’s eyes lit up when she saw your mom’s decorations? Wow, you really suck!”
It’s been nearly 70 degrees here for the last three days. I can’t get into the spirit with this dreadful weather! The reds, green, and golds are complimented only by seeing my breath in the brisk air and a few snow flurries- at least!
I have 2 kid’s class Christmas parties to plan and have 96 toilet paper rolls to paint and hang a string and pipe cleaner halo from- because I’m an ass.
God forbid, I buy some shitty felt ornament from Oriental Trading Co. for the kids to make… NOPE! I have to be a crafty home-made snob. I blame that on my Grandma who taught me about beads, sequins, Modge Podge and rick-rack before I could tie my shoes.
It’s a sickness- seriously. I know I shouldn’t care or be so hard on myself. I know what’s really important and how lucky I am that I have a roof over my head, a healthy family and the means to make 100 dozen Christmas cookies to shove down my feelings in my emotional eating tradition, but it’s something that I can’t control and now, it’s something that my family expects from me… so… don’t judge me and please pass the xanax.
LOL i bought those $3 pajamas too. =] i had to wrestle to get the g.i.joe one though.
OK, I’ll give you two, but no more. Sorry. I know, tis the season and all that, but a Mom’s gotta do what a Mom’s gotta do – and this Mom needs all the little helpers she can get.
And I ain’t talkin’ elves.
Here’s to finding our seasonal festiveness! I know I left it in a box somewhere.
All of those chores are much more bearable with a Xanax (or several) and some alcohol.
I am sorry you are having difficulties with the holidays. I know all to well how you feel. I for one am able to say my husband did the Christmas tree thing because he knows I am insane and can’t handle it without yelling screaming flipping out or crying. I sat quietly with some Christmas music playing and the family did their thing. Even taking the kids pictures for the cards which I then handed off to my husband. I hope the Xanax helps and if not call for a higher dose. I know I will be calling soon.
or a lot of alcohol!
oh darn, now my last comment doesn’t make sense! You’d think that i wouldn’t take a shole minute to type 5 words, wouldn’t you!
(it was as a caveat to Jo’s comment!)
Yes… LOTS of alcohol… wine is your friend!! Thats how I get thru the holidays. Our house is decorated now but only because my husband has OCD and the kids were up MY ass all weekend about doing it. I finally caved and just let them go to town!
I slept in. So did Love Muffin. I worry for how our Christmas is going to be.
Kind of glad I don’t have kids yet, because I HATE Christmas. I know it should be a happy, fun, blah blah blah time, but frankly EH, I just don’t care.
Well, I’m in Florida and find it nearly impossible to get in the Christmas spirit when I’m sweating, so I’m with ya there!
Oh, God. You’re condition-there’s a name for it… but I can’t use it cause I believe my family wore it out….
It will get better!
In January.
You can do it, because anyone with enough dedication to get high off sharpie markers for the sake of a dalmation costume will rock the Christmas decorations!
But I, for one, will be happy to not be in your path when you decide its time to do all that stuff.
I just made homemade ornaments with my kid. I used foam paper and glitter. WTF was I thinking? I’ve got fucking glitter from one end of my house to the other. But my son thought I hung the moon when I showed him my shitty looking tractor ornament I made him. Glitter should be outlawed!
P.S. My hubby fought at Walmart on Black Friday to get me a GPS. He REALLY wanted to get laid huh?
You’ll get the shit done. You know the kids will harrass the shit out of you until you do. Or mine did until I decorated the yard with lights. Where I fell through a fucking plastic chair and cut my leg up. At least my son offered me a sip of his coke to make me feel better. Kids!
I need to get out all my Xmas stuff too and am slacking but I am on top of the shopping this year for a change. I got to finish getting things ready for son’s bday party too. UGH
I know you will get it done….I have faith in you!
I suggest lots of chocolate and caffeine. The caffeine to keep you going and the chocolate to dull the pain of having to do everything on your to do list.
Despite the pain and suffering the end result promises to be spectacular. Two Christmas trees? You are my new hero. I’m on my way to the attic to drag out MY elaborate Christmas village for assembly inspired completely by you.WhooAHHHHH!
Take Deep breaths between gulps of wine!
I am laughing out loud right now– because the loser that I am… actually went to WALMART SPECIFICALLY for those $3 pajamas lol.
I dont have a teenager to buy for but Im a psycho that LOVES shopping at wee hrs of the AM…and my kids needed some new pjs…, ofcourse I had plans of buying 5 pairs for each child and could only scrounge up 2 each…. 2 that I found on the floor while I was on line– yup, thats the classy way we Walmarter’s do on Black Friday.
You are not alone Tena, we all just want to spoil our kids on Christmas