Biological clocks are supposed to tick in the heads of aged women that don’t have kids. NOT women of advanced maternal age that have four kids, 20+ post baby LBS, stretched out skin and uterus, and hormonal libido issues!
I tell myself, I’m done having babies, I’m too old. Then I run into a woman 5 years older than me having another… that’s not helping!
I babysat my 2 year old niece for two days in a row to try and quell the urge. She is a terror. She is high maintenance. But she is so fucking cute, I just wanted to eat her up when she drew with crayon on my counter tops and squeezed out a tube of Carmex on my bathroom floor and said, “saaawwwwy,” with her mischievous toothy grin.
There’s a higher power at work. I went to Target to get tampons. And every corner I turned, there was a pregnant woman smiling at me like in some cryptic movie of knocked up Stepford’s beckoning me to join their club of glowing faces, engorged breasts, and sleepless nights and then I start thinking of cute baby names and walk to the maternity clothing like some posessed zombie!
Don’t they know that I have a 20 year class reunion to attend in 10 months? I may not get skinny, but I can’t be 9 months into a gestation when I want to get my grove on! There will be Karoake, for God’s sake! And a premium bar (and I kind of like my babies with 10 fingers and 10 toes, call me crazy.)
I know my kids’ routines, moods, and breakdowns down to a science. Why would I mess with a good thing?
How can I fight it, though, when I get this text from a friend traveling with my version of Flat Stanley…
I could literally hear my eggs screaming, “Mommy!”
cough*DO IT*cough
You’re so funny, Tena. I feel for you, but I can’t reach you (as my mom would say); there is no way in heck I would want a baby. Kendall’s always asking for one (it’s an on-going joke), but NO WAY!!
If that baby showed up with my Flat Stanley head, I’d want one too. She is completely edible.
Does your husband have any thoughts on the matter?
You are cracking me up! And yeah, ditto Katie!
Get a goldfish, or snake.
Gigi’s cheeks are scrumptious though!
Love it! Hey, I am ttc again and I just turned 35, my clock is tickin’ away!! (have another
)…
I haven’t even TRIED to rub my pregnant mojo on you. But Gigi and Binky are going to need playmates….
Just do it! You know you wanna.
Just say NO Teena… mine are 14, 10 and 7 and I am TOTALLY done though there are days I would LOVE another little one!
Just say Hell to the NO! Go volunteer to rock babies in a NICU, be a nanny, or volunteer in the church nursery. Just don’t have your own. You can call in sick for the nursery, but you are saddled for 18 big ones with the blood spawn. I always just think- do I want to be 55 when the kid graduates? No. I want to be on a beach with a bunch of gray hairs sipping coladas.But, if you must, Leann is a great name and I have uber baby room decorating skills!
i have been having similar “yearnings” (ew, what a word). and then i read about cute little mary stuart masterson having a baby AND SHE IS TWO YEARS OLDER THAN I AM. i think i am just too old, although i am considering opening up my own elder adoption agency, starting with my own two teens. i figure there is a market out there for unruly older children. maybe we should just have some babies and love them while they are little and scrumptious, and then we can just sell them.
ps: took me long enough to find you at your sexy new address.
listen to me: Get a puppy and then tell me how much you want another.
It’s the ovaries! They’re evil traitors that won’t listen to reason and I swear to god they have honing devices for pregnant woman and adorable babies.