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Cat fights aren't always a good thing

I told her, “I write.”  Which, technically, is the complete truth.   

She seemed intrigued and relatively impressed and with a wow in her in vocal inflection she asked, “What do you write?”

I can’t represent myself falsely.  I have never been able to.  I am the consequential queen- always thinking about the what- ifs and trying to stay a step ahead of karma and playing it safe- honest to a fault. My head raced with images of my asshattery, unstable rambling and embarrassing moments that I have shared.  

I felt the need to backtrack.  

Just shy of losing all credibilty and awe that I had earned with my claim, I said, “silly stuff, really.  Nothing.”  My head sunk and shoulders slouched, discouraged that the words “blog on the Internet” could not cross my lips. 

And with that, I cheapened my words.

Words, many of them the 4-letter variety, that I had pride in and published- consciously and somewhat unmedicated.  I didn’t defend them.  I couldn’t back them up.    I wished I had the confidence to share that piece of me, but alas, it’s been a tough week.

The thing about blogging is that your confidence level wanes with the day of the week, and the number of comments, visits and acknowledgement received.  


I used to truly not care. I started this journey as a journaling of my life.  A creative outlet that NO ONE would read- who the hell cares about me and my silly shit? 

Then it happened.  People started reading.  Then they start commenting.  Then the bug bites you.  It’s like a drug- once you get a taste, it feels good, you want more. 

And the fact of the matter is- it’s a gauge of reassurance, acceptance, validation.   

You made me think.  You made me laugh.  I’m going through the same thing.   Thank you.  This helped me.   Who doesn’t want to hear things like that?  It’s invigorating. 

To feed the addiction, I write.  I try and write things that affect people and that people can relate to.  Sometimes, that’s easier said than done.   Ironically, life tends to gets in the way of writing about life.   Dry spells, writer’s block, losing the mojo- I’ve been there this week. 

While trying to find my inspiration, I’ve sat back, watched, read and observed.  I surveyed drama, cattiness,  passive-aggressiveness, and an overall cheapening of our craft.  I wonder how outsiders and non-bloggers will ever take  us  seriously as a medium for talented writers who have a voice worth listening to and a forum for actual ad revenue and not a whoring of our time, if we don’t show each other the respect that we deserve.   

Mud slinging, hair pulling, judgement, and defensiveness might give you a boost in your numbers temporarily, but at what cost?  Burning bridges is not the way to earn the respect of a reader.  Maybe nudity. 

I’ve felt invisible as of late- and not just because my kids ignore me.  When I write a post or a tweet- I feel like I’m talking to myself a large majority of the time.  It would be painfully narcissistic of me to take that personally.    I’m not the only one with needy children that demand FOOD, insurmountable debt, and a dog pissing on the floor!

Can’t we all just get along?   Hell no.  We’re all different.   But we should respect each other for all feeling the need to belong and get over ourselves. 

Then I can FINALLY admit what I do while my kids are in school all day.  Or not.

Pimp me?

23 comments to Cat fights aren’t always a good thing

  • tena

    I’m very glad I know you, and I’m selfishly glad you have a blog. Otherwise we never would have met.

    You’re a tough lady, and a fierce friend.

  • Maria

    I’m very glad I know you, and I’m selfishly glad you have a blog. Otherwise we never would have met.

    You’re a tough lady, and a fierce friend.

  • Diane

    I know what you mean. I’m really new at this, so a good day for me still isn’t very many hits or comments, but the good days just feel SO good, it’s hard not to get down on the not-so-good days (or weeks, ha.)

    But if we stop, we’ll never have those good moments, so I guess the other stuff is just there to keep us moving, keep us striving to better ourselves and our writing. (The CHEESE is strong with this one today.)

  • The Mom Jen

    Stats do hurt me too…I used to get 40-50 comments, after I got my domain I lost about 39-49 of those comments and 15 is a good day. I *try* to avoid all the cattiness the blogosphere has to offer, I have my own demons to conquer, but I do love me a good blog writer, and you my friend are one of them! MWAH, love ya!

  • Tiffany

    I feel like I’m just writing for myself too. All my commenters have vanished. Oh well. I still like to document the stupid shit that happens in my life. I’m a giver like that.

  • Jenn

    I Vlogged about said cattiness today.. I witnessed it over Twitter this week and it disgusted me … such petty and foolish childlike behavior… I choose NOT to repeat High School again and I applaud you for saying so also!

  • natasha

    Hi, is currently in the progress of choosing blogs to receive recognition from as Top Blogs. This award is not meant to be anything other than a recongnition that your blog gives information about tactics that directly or in directly raise health awareness and prevent the transmition of Disease. Simply place the award banner code on your site and your blog will be listed as a Top Blog on is a Private Global Health Watch Group. Whose goal is to promote healthy living though the spread of information globally. Thank you for your dedication to your blog.
    Please reply me back with subject line of your Url to avoid spam and to make sure YOU get the Award.

    Thank you.

  • brittany

    I love you Tena. I think you are a force to be reckoned with, and it surprises people.

    I know lately you think you lost your voice, but you are wrong.

    You just need to speak a bit louder:)

  • maggie, dammit

    “I wonder how outsiders and non-bloggers will ever take us seriously as a medium for talented writers who have a voice worth listening to and a forum for actual ad revenue and not a whoring of our time, if we don’t show each other the respect that we deserve.”

    Yes. That right there is what gets me more than anything, I think.

    Well said.

  • Annie

    I was never a talented writer, got giddy when I had 12 comments on my own blog. Now that I guest blog, I get decent comments because it is a collaborative effort and people come to see the blog and I just happen to be the one on for the day. This week when I wrote a pretty meaningful piece ( to me at least) this week, I got less than my post about vasectomies or about kids with character. You just never know.
    Write like no one is looking…….and I bet everyone will!

  • Jo

    I get it. I often feel like I am talking to myself, and that’s ok, but it IS more fun when people comment.

    Thankfully, I haven’t been a witness to any of the cattiness around blogland. I think I might be living in a bubble.

  • Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy

    Oh my gosh! You’re in my head. This morning in the shower I started composing a post about the people who are ruining blogging. It was pretty good and I was afraid I was going to forget it so I got out my Flip and used it to record my voice while I was getting dressed!

    I don’t know what is with people lately, but the attitude online is getting so tiresome!

  • Jen

    I haven’t been on Twitter much recently so I must have missed all this drama. Thank goodness!!

    I could relate to a lot of this post. I’ve done (and still do) my fair share of obsessing over stats, comments, etc… It truly is addictive!

  • I enjoyed this post, I think I’m addicted too! And hopefully we can leave high school where it belongs, in the past!

    Happy VGNO!

  • Catherine @ Evolving Mommy

    I have thought a lot about the way that some bloggers treat each other and I always worry how that will affect the way the whole group is viewed by outsiders. If we can’t respect ourselves and those around us in the blogging world then no one will.

  • Carolee

    Missed the Twitter drama myself.

    Missed VGNO, too! Hope you had a good one!

  • Lucy Cooper

    Oh, boy.

    GREAT post. And boy, is it hard not to get hung up on feedback. Or get caught up in the politics and sniping. I’m a nobody in the blogging world, so that helps )

    Glad I found your blog- looking forward to seeing more good stuff in my reader….

  • Em

    It is a funny world, this blogging thingy. I look at it as highschool “classes.” A bunch of us seemed to have started at the same time, and we’ve all evolved into different things, good things, but the incoming Freshman have to discover everything on their own, and eventually that new group will dwindle and they will begin to question and delve deeper and maybe enjoy the “older but less popular kids who speak their minds.” Does that make sense?

    I’ve stopped writing for whomever stumbles upon my blog and have started writing for me and the people who have stayed. Some people have left, and I’m cool with that. But yes, the catty crap gets quite old quite fast. I’ve pretty much dropped Twitter because of it - with all the new programs that allow you to “see” only certain Tweets, even though you’re following 1,000 accounts, has really killed it for me.

    You’ve always been true to yourself Tena, stay there. The other roads are just exhausting and get you nowhere.

  • kootnygirl

    I really enjoy your blog. I have it bookmarked and I read it as I make my rounds of favourite reads.

    I didn’t realize that other people felt like I did. You nailed it here:

    “I used to truly not care. I started this journey as a journaling of my life. A creative outlet that NO ONE would read- who the hell cares about me and my silly shit?

    Then it happened. People started reading. Then they start commenting. Then the bug bites you. It’s like a drug- once you get a taste, it feels good, you want more. ”

    When I see a comment on my blog I’m terrified and invigorated at the same time.

  • Allison

    I am pretty sure that my mom, my husband and my sister are the only people who read my blog. Which is kind of depressing sometimes, but I started for the same reasons as you did and try to always remember that so I don’t get depressed over my 3 comments per post. :)

  • Complicated Mama

    first of all girl- I am comment number 21… I dont get 21 comments ever. (did i just cheapen myself?… eh- thats ok lol)

    Seriously though, I love your site, even though i dont get read my fav blogs every day- i do try to do a weekly catch up. I actually came cause i glanced over at “the people id give a kidney to” list and thought- Where the hell has Tena been???

    As for the mudslinging? …im still a little surprised it exists…but it does unfortunately :/

    O and PS- I am totally the same way with not being able to tell white lies.. I totally SUCK.

  • Kat

    Finally stopping by for a VERY belated VGNO!

  • Barb

    heck I am just happy to have 7 followers.. if anyone comments I REALLY get excited!

    The most comments I have EVER gotten is 2… so you are a rock star to me!!! :)

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